shizukuxp

tagal ng hintay! inaantok na ako medyo pero wala namang matulugan. in a few hours nasa Europe nako. yahoo!!  another first!

  buti libre ang internet. kundi mabo-bored ako ng sobra. napakinggan ko na lahat ng mp3 ko.

well, punta nako sa boarding gate. baka ma-late ako, mahirap na. sana may free internet rin sa London. kaso malamang bangag ako niyan.  

i miss my fafa, mwahh, mwahh! love ya honey!

Currently listening to: Everything I do, I do it for you
Currently feeling: giddy

shizukuxp

アイルランドへ到着ばっかりでした、明日一週間しかなっていません。少しずつ日本語の能力で下がっています。たまに「JAPANESE　POD　一丸一」をMP3プレやーでよく聞きます。ピーターさんなどおかげで、新しい単語や会話の言葉も教わりました。

ところで、アイルランドは夏でもちょっと寒いです。まったく人暮らしをして、恋人が会わなくて、 毎晩泣きそうになっています。今も彼が日本で住んでるから、我々には、8時間の時差があります。それはとてもきついですね。私が起きているとき、彼は眠っています。国際電話賃もすごく高いですから、パソコンのSKYPEが必要です。けど、彼の仕事は毎日忙しくて、「Manual Labor」もやったり、夜に疲れています。二人の時間がなさそうですよ。

できる限り、もちろんあきらめないけど、悲しいのときちょっと迷うっていますよ。

あなたの恋人同じですか？ どうやって我慢できますか？

Currently listening to: 6 Cycle Mind "Upside Down"
Currently reading: Paulo Ribenboim "Classical Theory of Algebraic Integers"
Currently feeling: worried

shizukuxp

This is my second week in Dublin. With regards to the place, I guess this is just like how I had envisioned it. There are plenty of nature in the campus, the air is clean, the breeze is always cool, the lake is majestic, etc.. Yes, this is the laid back lifestyle I have long wished for when I was still in Tokyo and in the P.I.

What I didn't expect is the structured PhD program I'm in right now. I thought I'm just gonna be a researcher just like in Japan and I would be spared of classes which I don't like and are really draining. I mean, I hated Analysis all my life and I've been doing them for the past 7 years.

I really feel sad and depressed cause everyone thinks that I'm so blessed and so lucky to be traveling to so many places for such a young age (which I am thankful by the way), but what they don't realize that I'm just like everyone else. I'm just like the average 社員 in Japan who despises his/her job. I mean, I really don't despise studying entirely, but for me, it's nothing special. It's just my job and even if I hate it, I have no other choice but to do it.

Maybe, the fact that I'm so far away from my bf also contributes to my loneliness. Of course I know that even if I didn't come here, we still wouldn't be together because of his own predicament. Well, everything is just tough, and only I'm not in such a nice place, I would be crying every night, wanting to kill myself.

I'm just normal and maybe it's normal to be feeling this. After all, I really been doing so much the past few years of my life. Doing so much in the sense that I've been going to different places and breaking my heart occasionally. Even if my mind is tough enough to bear all of these changes, my body would eventually succumb to the natural wear and tear process.

Dublin is a lovely city and so I don't want to complain anymore. The people here are nice and friendly and even if I can't really make any real friends, t least I have plenty of acquaintances to keep my company.

The only thing I can promise is to be tougher than this. I hope I can be.

Currently listening to: Way back into love by Hugh Grant
Currently reading: Banach Spaces for analysts
Currently watching: BBC
Currently feeling: hungry

shizukuxp

the uncertainty of the future looms! frankly speaking, i've never been much more scared than this. in all aspects, i'm really unsure of what's gonna happen.

but for the meantime, i needed to find some way to kill time. how can i survive this ordeal? how can i be tough when there's just nothing to cling onto? what can i do while i'm waiting for someone to finish his personal legend? shouldn't i be doing the same a more practical choice? if then, WHY AM I HERE GETTING MYSELF A PhD?

doesn't make the slightest sense to me right now! and been that way for the past decade or so. i'm just so stubborn to admit it. I've been pretending for so long that Mathematics is for me. It is not! We've known that ever since the obsessions began.

You're turning me on, you're turn me around

You've turned my whole world upside down!

Well I just wanted to say that I need you today

Tell me it's all gonna work out alright

I don't know where I should start, but with all of my heart

Baby, let me be your lover tonight!

Currently listening to: You made me live again
Currently feeling: chipper

shizukuxp

With my current financial status and hectic academic load, I would say that I'm practically stranded in Ireland as of the moment. There's no way I can visit Asia on the coming holidays nor invite my own visitors. Anyway, I've decided to follow the Monty Python's advice: that is, "To look at the bright side of life!"

I am planning to try out for the basketball and badminton teams of my university. It's really a great idea, just to make the most of my stay, and really, at 25, I feel like a freshman once again. Well, hopefully I can still play competitively against the Irish youngters and make my country proud of me.

Last year, I played plenty of hoops scrimmages against high school kids in Wyoming. I pretended to be a teenager and owing to my authentic Asian look , I would say that the disguised hold on quite well.Of course, I'm one step slower than everyone else, but with the way I shoot the treys, nobody really cared if I play defense anymore.

With regards to badminton, it was a favorite past time when I was a dormer in an international house in Japan. There is a stiff competition between countries in Asia and even if we (Filipinos) are perenially beaten by the Chinese, we still manage to create an impression on our neighbors. Unfortunately, I never made it to the Philippine team, for 2 apparent reasons, my seniors have always been better than me, and I was not really enthused to improve on my game. I never strived to be better nor I showed enough interest to be.

But now, I really wanted to be part of the UCD team, both on basketball and badminton. I would have also joined Ultimate Frisbee, but then running outdoors on Ireland's winter is not precisely my idea of fun. Besides, I also needed to pour in some hours in the laboratory and focus on my research.

So, hopefully everything goes well with my stay in Ireland. I want it to be memorable and eclipse the experiences in Japan (hmmm, might be difficult!)

Currently listening to: Japanese Pod Audio Blog (Miki's blog)
Currently reading: Problem Sheet #1 for Commutative Algebra
Currently feeling: cheerful

shizukuxp

I guess the best way for a Filipino to appreciate his own country is to live and be immersed in a foreign land. It's all a matter of perspectives--like a fish inside an aquarium has a much more limited vision of its environment than a person looking from the outside.

Being a professional traveler, I would say that this syndrome has pervasively haunted me for years. Whenever I'm abroad, I feel homesick and miss Filipino music and cuisine, but then everytime I return I just get flusterred over the inconveniences and complain about the safety, pollution, etc. In spite of owning a car, I really find it hard to enjoy Manila. First of all I have to worry about the heavy traffic, the colour coding scheme every Wednesday, the lack of parking places, the carnappers, the holdapers, the basag-ulo gang, and all such, which may seem like trivialities except that since it's MANILA we are talking about, then it must be true.

When I was in Japan, the language barrier and the overall toxic lifestyle has turned me off. And then now that I'm in Ireland, I can communicate with almost anyone and people are not so harrassed. But then the standard of living is much, much higher, and my 2 euros is worth nothing in a McDonalds fast food chain. Compared that to Japan, my 2 euros which is around 300 yen could give a plain burger meal with melon soda. What I'm trying to say is that I cannot really enjoy myself here simply because I cannot afford it.

Anyway, I want to end this entry by quoting my boyfriend when we were spending our quote-unquote honeymoon in Fukuoka--"I guess we cannot find a perfect place in the world. It's up to us to decide on how we're going to see it and if we're going to live happily."

And like the song in Savage Garden's Affirmation -- "I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side." In that sense, the place is really arbitrary. There will always be something wrong in any part of the world. But then again if you are not yet there, you will always wonder what life could be like in that time zone.

Currently listening to: Affirmation
Currently reading: Elliptic and hyperelliptic curve cryptography
Currently feeling: rejuvenated

shizukuxp

Now you find my way into my site because of title, probably by searching for free porn or you have just clicked on the tabulas home page. But don't worry this is not like the emails nor the scares on friendster bulletins which would force you to forward this to 2 (to the last digit of your mobile phone) number of people or else someone would die.

I like your catch your attention because I'm planning to start a change the world project. No, not that usual crap "I'm only one but I am one.." you probably heard it before. Yes, I cannot change the world, because I'm really a nobody and besides I haven't even said what is it in particular that I want to change. Ok, for one, I hate USA! Ok, NSA is probably crawling into every possible site in the planet which might be of threat to their mighty nation--a nation formed on lies and blatant perfidy. Hmmm, maybe that's a hasty generalization with no actual basis.

But I don't need to write it down after all, the information is easily googleble. One just needs to open their eyes and mind to realize what is happening right now. Am I talking about the war on the Middle East, in particular? Good guess! If you are still reading until this paragraph, then let me thank you once again for bearing with my incoherent writing abilities and lackluster style.

I know that majority of Americans are also against the war. Yes I believe there plenty of them including those people who are funded by their very own government to protest war on terror so that the world will still sympathize with their nation. Otherwise, everyone would hate Americans instead of just hating their leader Bush.

I had a boyfriend from the navy, a hardcore no-brainer one. During the time that we were dating, he just kept talking about his job and how noble US military is for saving the world. I kept silent most of the time and argued very little, anyhow, what's the actual use of debating with an ass-man. This is his line of reasoning: "Why would we use a million dollar bomb for a $10000 worth of outmoded Mosque if we don't have a legit mission?" Oh Jesus, or Allah, or Buddha, how could you have created such person with brains on his ass?

I guess Americans have no such respect for other nation's civilization because as a country they never had one. They just had George Washington triumphing over the British and boom-- America is founded on the principle that it's saying one thing and doing another. Is this a very myopic view? I have been to the US, east coast, west coast, middle America, including the Hawaii, and I would say that there is nothing really special about their country.

Anyway, I'll continue next time. Hope you still visit my blog, and through little information like this, I hope we can change the world.

Currently listening to: How can I change the world?

shizukuxp

漢字の教わる。

私は、小説家の端くれになったばかりの頃、小説を書く一方で人さまの思いを代筆する仕事もしていた。特に看板を出しいたわけでもなく、名剌をもっていたわけでもない。公のものではなく、半ば口コミで広がったアルバイト。小説さっぱり売れなかったが、代筆の方は月に数組から多い時では週に二、三組の依頼があり、いっそ、このまま代筆屋を生業にして生きていこうか、と悩んだほどの盛況であった。

Currently listening to: Makita kang nuli
Currently reading: 留学生のための現代日本語読解
Currently watching: Press TV
Currently feeling: ラブラブ

shizukuxp

Japanese pod 101 is a nice freebie resource on the web. Especially for someone who has already lived in Japan before, and has a grasp of intermediate Japanese. It's good for remembering key conversational phrases as well as reminisce about the days in Japan.

Anyway, I just got curious if there is a similar website for learning the Chinese language and surprisingly, there is  http://chinesepod.com/. In fact, there are more lessons and more people using the site. I guess, it's because of the economic boom of China recently that it has become almost imperative for businessmen to learn the language. Besides, there are more than a billion people to talk to all over the world if you can speak this great language.

By the way, I'm also part Chinese so it's more of an appreciation of my roots.

I've just learned how to say:

Nihao ma?

Wo shu Firipin ren.

Currently listening to: Chinese pod newbie lesson

shizukuxp

This is my 3rd week in Dublin. I'm beginning to really settle down and get on a routine. So far, I totally love my lifestyle, living within the campus and having no commuting problems at all. Also, since I don't have any money, my life only revolves on school, office, sports, chatting with my love, and my residence. Not so much variety, but I'm contented with it.

One of the stark contrasts between my life in Tokyo is that I don't experience any language barrier here. I can communicate in fluent English and even if there is a difference in accent, it's not such big hindrance. Because of this, I find myself more involved in the campus, not just in my field of study but also on other activities. I'm currently a member of the badminton and basketball club. Unfortunately, I didn't made past the tryout of the basketball team but then I can still participate on weekly scrimmages any time. I also intend to join the mountaineering club because I would like to avail of the free entrance to the rock climbing facility of the university. It looks very professional and challenging.

Besides that, I also want to take part on public discussions/debates held in the campus to learn about the way of thinking of Irish people. For example, there is a forum tomorrow about ending US invasion of Iraq. Of course, Ireland is a known ally of UK, so it's interesting to hear about their opinions and position on this topic.

I figure that if I'm still in Japan, then I cannot do these things because of my sheer inability to express myself. Language is really crucial issue and so if that's the only aspect to consider then leaving Ireland for Tokyo is really a good and wise decision. But it's too early to tell for now. I'll post more about this as I live my life in Dublin.

Currently listening to: Stars are blind by Paris Hilton
Currently watching: Press TV -- on Iran
Currently feeling: optimistic

shizukuxp

I just finished attending a forum held by a Socialist Student party in UCD. The speaker Richard Barett had his facts and figures straight and I commend him for giving such an insight on the current global tradegy. Unfortunately, there are only a handful of UCD students interested in such topics.

It's also a bit disappointing that he didn't elaborate further on the real pressing questions about how Irish people can really make a difference and help end the occupation of US forces in Iraq. I had the impression that it's more of a socialist propaganda in trying to play a more prominent role in today's society.

My opinion is that the main people who can stop the war on Iraq right now are the Americans themselves. I always hear about surveys that majority of Americans are anti-war but they are not really showing it. Maybe they are just too passive but that passivity has caused the re-election of an idiot in the White House!

What I'm saying is that they should demonstrate more and get involved with their government international policies as it is the main principle of democracy. They should carry the fight not just on the streets but also by civil disobedience like the way we do it in the Philippines. We may not be a great country and by far we are lagging behind on economic development, but at least we can overthrow even the highest power in our nation. It just means that the voice of the people is heard when the majority throws their support and cooperation.

Americans should uphold their rights and not allow such mockery to take place. After all, it's their tax money that is being used to slaughter hundreds of thousands of innocent lives and destroy a nation. Forget about 9/11 tragedy because there is a million times more casualty in the middle east during US occupancy. How can you stand children being killed every day, and you are funding them to their graves?

Cruel! Just cruel! And selfish too for Americans not to take this into a more serious consideration. How can they still function into their everyday lives without being affected by what is happening on the other part of the world. There are millions of Americans who are against the war. If they show more vigilance and exert pressure on their government then they can surely make a difference.

Currently listening to: sweetie's voice

shizukuxp

Honestly, I don't know where to begin, but let me quote Albus Dumbledore in Harry Potter, "Fear in the name increases the fear in itself!"

It's been such a long time since I wrote something about this topic because until now I'm afraid of how this will be interpreted. I've been trying to avoid it and hoping it would spare my blog from crawling search engines. But now, I think that the time has come for me to acknowledge the truth and nothing but the truth. Anonymity is one thing, living in a swamp of lies is another.

Recently, I've been keen on following developments on US-Middle East related issues, in particular about matters on Iran. At first, I really had a hard time understanding the entire scenario and it took some time before I had a full-grasp of the happenings. (I tuned in to Press TV everyday and read The Economist regularly)

Being a Filipino, I know there is hardly any benefit for me to indulge myself on such affairs but as a rationale person with fervor for peace and humanitarian purposes, I simply cannot ignore such tradegies in another part of the planet.

I admit that I got my first lessons (and influence) on activism from Fidel Nemenzo. He was my mentor after all. I don't know to what degree he wants to dis-associate himself from me, but I couldn't care anymore. I am a thinking human being and I have soul, those are enough reasons to be an activist.

Perhaps, I really never got the chance to show my nationalistic passion for my own country, and perhaps that is partly caused by what has transpired between me and aforementioned person. I was very young then, not even 20, it's not easy to join leftist groups when your primodial motives would be questioned and your social consciousness maliciously mistaken for obsession.

Now that I am fully mature enough to counter any criticisms that they would throw at me, I can finally join the march on the streets and maybe just maybe influence other people. I can now proudly carry the placard with "NO TO US IMPERIALISM! NO TO US-BASES! END US OCCUPATION!" written in bold, red letters.

Too bad, I'm doing this for Iran. Too bad, I never got the chance to do this for my country.

(Thank God, I got that out of my system!)

Currently listening to: Chinese Pod
Currently reading: Lectures on the Theory of Algebraic Integers
Currently watching: Press TV
Currently feeling: nostalgic