shizukuxp

This is my last night in Japan. Tomorrow I'll be flying to Hawaii. I'm so excited and looking forward to a new beginning.

Hawaii seems such a good place to start a new life. I have always envisioned it as a paradaise where I can really fit in and I have all the time in the world to enjoy the beaches and nice weather.

I'm a bit sad, cause it looks like the final nail in the coffin for my relationship with my bf. I feel that he doesn't want a long distance thing, but I said that as far as I'm concerned, I am willing to try. But for what it's worth I appreciate his honesty than knowing in the end that he is screwing other girls in Shanghai.

Anyway, I also feel kinda satisfied with myself. I have made a list of things I would like to accomplish before I leave Japan, and this time that I know I'm really leaving, I could say that I have done quite a lot of things in my life.

But maybe one of the most important things that happened is that I'm now 110% over ... Really, really happy about that. I don't regret anything, though. It's just part of a great masterplan.

Also, I feel it's quite funny to look back how I've desperately fawned over Dennis before, only to find out that he won't really be good for me. I've dated my boyfriend for several weeks and I could honestly say that I've been quite a fool before. Dennis is not even that good looking.

Lastly, I've been blessed with so many friends whom I treated as my family in Japan. They've been very nice to me and every moment seems easier with them around. I'll never forget all of them, especially all the people in Soshigaya International House who helped with so many things. I love them all, and perhaps that's one reason why I keep coming back to this place. Maybe someday, I'll come and visit again just to reminisce all of the great moments here.

I'll always look back, but at the same time I'll look forward to a good life in Hawaii, and to wherever I'll be going.

Sayounara Nihon!

Currently listening to: Leaving on a jet plane
Currently watching: One tree hill 110
Currently feeling: jubilant

shizukuxp

i can't believe that i will be missing tokyo this badly. last night, i had another dream about soshigaya and ruby's room. like it was just within my reach and i wanted to be back in time with my sweetie.

when i can wake up in the morning with him by my side and everything is lovely. a small bed which barely fits the two of us, 1 pillow for each of our wearied heads, and stuffed toys galore. his sweat dripping on the bed sheets while i lay half-frozen from lack of sufficient of the heater.

we joked about everything; his English grammar, my Japanese accent, thinking that this is the greatest day of my life. then i made him remember the first time we dated. how naughty he turns out to be behind those boyish eyes and overall shyness. i discovered how much he wanted to be with me, and only me.

.

.

but then i woke up. just a dream of mine. tokyo is thousands of miles away. a 6-hour time difference which renders our LDR almost impossible. we are both busy with our jobs and still adjusting to our new environments.

will this ever go anywhere? the answer is staring at me point blank, but i just cannot let him go. i think, i may have loved him too much.

i wonder why?

Currently listening to: God must have spent a lil more time with you
Currently reading: SOKKIA manual
Currently feeling: missing my sweetie

shizukuxp

He wants to be a successful businessman; she reads the Communist Manifesto every night. He's too proud of his own roots; she's dying to be an American idiot. He likes Persian art; she treats ciphers as masterpieces. He's a cunning linguist and can speak 5 languages (or maybe not, pardon the pun); she's only fluent in English and C++. He's just looking for someone to pass time; she's in love with love.

Two very different people and one moment in time.  An incident which would changed the course of their lives. Suddenly the universe conspired for them to meet. But why would they ever give it a chance? And if they did, will it even last for more than 3 weeks?

She remembered a line from a movie: "If you can see the future and know that we're not gonna last forever, will you still be with me?"

Both said yes, savoring each moment as a gift instead of the future. Every such is a bliss when they are together. He desperately wanted to get her at one glance. He played those manly charms to perfection. Sometimes he's too idealistic, sometimes too practical.

She fell pretty hard, she cannot help it. She's never seen someone like that before. Sometimes she's too idealistic, sometimes too practical.

But before they can proceed with loving each other, he's has fulfill his dream as a businessman. She was disappointed, but soon she will also get her chance of becoming a cryptographer. Everything they've been wishing for a very long time.

No time for loving, maybe. Even if it should've been the greatest of it's kind.

She believes in serendipity. He does not. Is it worth holding on, she asked?

Currently listening to: You and me by Lifehouse
Currently feeling: stressed

shizukuxp

i'm just beginning to like this place. even if i'm terribly missing my sweetie and that viewing the romantic sunsets alone simply drives me crazy.

at least i get to experience a lot of new things.

still kinda' culture shocked at the way people dressed here. for our extended weekend, i hang out with my cousin and his friends on the beaches of oahu and i just found myself terribly uncomfortable with just a'pek-pek' shorts and tank top on public. i cannot imagine how relaxed the way of life is here. very, very unlike tokyo, japan. i guess, the boots and ties that i've brought on my luggage won't be of any use here.

really quite busy at the office, which is a good thing, otherwise i'll be bored to death and can't help myself from calling my sweetie. i just wish, we are together.

anyway, before i go i think it is worthwhile to mention that i've tried surfing last friday and it was so fun. although, i didn't get a chance to stand too long on the board since there was hardly any waves in waikiki.

i love kailua beach! kailua is the hometown of my cousin and so he knows the best spots out there. what pristine beauty! i haven't been to boracay but i think kailua might give my country's favorite tourist spot a run for its money.

Currently listening to: We belong together
Currently reading: DELL business mag
Currently feeling: still jet lagged

shizukuxp

Really missed you, sweetie. 

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know, you know, you know

[CHORUS]
I love you
I loved you all along
I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of Hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything, but I won't give up
'Cause you know, you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I loved you all along  
And I miss you                      
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'd never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

So far away
So far away
far away for far too long
So far away
So far away
far away for far too long

But you know, you know, you know
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
I love you
I loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me,and never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
hold on to me never let me go

Keep breathing
hold on to me, never let me go
[2x]
    

Currently listening to: Far Away by Nickelback
Currently feeling: hopeful

shizukuxp

what happens when a cryptographer-wannabe takes on a job as a sales person for some geodetic-engineering-related company?

sounds like a mess, right?

well, actually it's one of the best learning experiences i can chalk up in this colourful life of mine. at some points, i guess i can say i'm having fun.

perhaps the fact that i'm in hawaii helps a lot since unlike the lifestyle in tokyo where everything should be done as hectic and toxic as possible, here being laid back is a state which you should always be in. no suits, nor ties for work, and socks are even optional. Now, how relaxed could it get?

also, i would say being in sales is quite exciting and even if i'm tasked to do some blue collar jobs like bringing down huge boxes and equipments from the supply room, or vacuuming the floors, i guess i still prefer this over being in Tech Support.

when i was in Japan, everyone regarded me as a dumbass just because my japanese is below par the standards for japan residents who's been in the country for some time, and much worse, they think i don't deserve to be a sha-in because i don't have the senmon gakkou 2-yr training for their particular field.

i love my situation right now, cause i know it's very temporary and once my papers from ireland arrives, then i'm off here, and that i get to travel, earn some money, sleep in a poshy accommodation, hang out on the beach, surf, etc.., all nice things you can imagine.

 another cool thing about this job is that i get to deal with different many people. yesterday, i felt really proud for being able to successfully demonstrate those miniaturecomputerized drawing scales and sell it to two customers. i haven't touched those equipments before but the manual is English and so i just followed what was prescribed and i used it correctly. really neat, huh?

anyway, got to get back to work!

Currently listening to: Hero by Enrique (missed my baby)
Currently feeling: working

shizukuxp

mahal ko na talaga ang iran-jin na yan. hayop namang buhay na'to!! kasalanan ko ba kung ampapanget ng mga hawaiian na ito, sobrang iitim. hehe. joke lang. baka parusahan ako ni Lord.

talagang tinamaan lang talaga ako ke Iran-jin. walang personalan sa mga Hawaiian peeps. kumbaga kahit sino pa makita ako, kung isang tao pa rin ang laman ng isip at puso ko {naks pare, gatsby niyon ah!} eh wala pa rin silang fez value 4me.

paano na kaya ito? as in, seryoso ako, pupuntahan ko sha kahit nasan mang impaktong lugar sha magpunta. kanina kase nagisip-isip ako sa may golf course, under the shade of the coconut tree, and looking at d bluish skies.  nagpaka-deep na naman ako.

tiningnan ko ang beauty ng surroundings, at na-realize ko kung gano kaganda rin ang pinagsamahan namin. kung gano namin napapasaya ang isa't isa. sabi nga namin, ang swerte namin. yung ibang tao ni hindi man lang nagkakaroon ng ganoong chance sa buong buhay nila.

narealize ko na dapat i-cherish talaga yung relationship namin. parang isang krimen kung pababayaan na lang shang mawala.

para bang sinira mo yung nature; nag-pollute ng seas or pinutol mo ang mga puno sa forest. ganon yun eh. crime ke Lord na wawasakin mo yung ganoong kagandang bagay. at crime din na wala kang gagawin para ma-preserve yun, di ba?

 ang trouble ko lang eh napaka-realistic niya. ayaw niyang maging romantic sa bagay na ito. masyadong business-minded na. iniisip niya yung economic cost ng mga bagay-bagay.

ok rin yun. alam niyo naman kase ako, minsan sobra kung magmahal. all the way.

pero this time i know, may point ako. may laban ako. ano sa tingin nyo? dou shiyou ka na?

Currently listening to: Kiroro's bestfriend

shizukuxp

magti-3 weeks na!! nakakapraning pala talaga ang long distance relationship!!! kumbaga ang highlight lang ng buhay ko ay kung kelan kame makakapag-usap, which is less than 2 hours per week. bitin na bitin ang ganon.

ang hirap-hirap.. i really, really wanted to see him again. di ko na yata kayang tiisin.

ano na ba? gustung-gusto ko shang puntahan pero natatakot ako na katangahan lang yun. di naman malaki ang kinikita niya, at kailangan ko ang pera for Ireland from September. dapat at least may $2500 akong extra para sa plane ticket at initial accommodation ko roon. kahit magtrabaho yata ako everyday, mahirap maabot yung ganong amount.

am i in too deep? sobra na yata ah. kung minsan kase di ko na ma-imagine na di sha ang makakasama ko sa pagtanda ko. parang na-program ko na sa utak ko na sha na talaga.

ewan ko ba? weird talaga ko no?

pero salamat pa rin at "in-love" ako right now. masarap pa rin ang feeling.

Currently listening to: Endless story by Yuna Ito
Currently watching: Wake me up when September ends video
Currently feeling: off

shizukuxp

etong song na'to ang favorite ni fafa.. nakakatawa nga lang kase di siya makakanta ng maayos. lagi kong tinatawanan.

OMG, i have a bad case of the Fafa's.... dou shiyou?

Currently reading: Tennis 101
Currently watching: Seth and Summer "Hero" vid at UTube
Currently feeling: sleepy

shizukuxp

...if I have already lost him, I will at least have gained one very happy day in my life. Considering the way the world is, one happy day is almost a miracle.

In that case, Mostafa has given me 19 miracles! And a couple of miracles within each miracle. What a loser I am for keeping track of the multiplicities.

I miss you, sweetie. I'll think of something for our miracles to continue.

Currently listening to: Some familiar alternative song
Currently feeling: recumbent

shizukuxp

musei ni kare wo aitai na. dou shiyou? 

kare to kongo shinu made isshou de aritai yo! do shiyou?

kare no soba ni ikitai yo. dokodemo ikeba, ikitai ka na! dou shiyou?

Currently reading: Denshi Jiten no Nihonggo Kaiwa
Currently feeling: working

shizukuxp

Pissed

Envied

Loved

   All in one brief moment

      I came quickly

The world is not turning anymore

Anarchic nature

   oppresses the weak

Your sporadic actions will give in

To realize yet is another thing

   made values more profound

      for believing in the confusion

Haste

Spoken

Crumbled

I dare not

   reveal the rest of my inhibitions

When love begets perfidy

   weep inside the cocoons of hell

      may we overcome such tragedy

I, we shall overcome

   overcome

      someday.

Currently listening to: Love is all I have to give
Currently reading: Fidel Antonio Medel's web blog
Currently feeling: sore

shizukuxp

I just got my e-ticket.

i'm returning to tokyo for the GW! weeeh!

"i've walked the streets of shanghai, china

i've tried the beaches of hawaii

dated a million times in O.C.

somehow i feel like i don't belong

hinahanap-hanap kita soshigaya

ang keio line, kay bagal na densha

sa sengawa mura ang bilihan

sa mga scholars, ako'y nagwa-gwapuhan

take me back in arms, soshigaya

and promise me you never let go

promise me, you'll never let me go..."

Currently listening to: You taught me run
Currently watching: David Choi's Videos
Currently feeling: relieved

shizukuxp

are men always like this? no sooner they know you love them and locked u on their grips than they start to take you for granted. or is it that women just tries to think too much and blow things out of proportion?

my bf can be very sweet sometimes and makes me feel like i'm really, really important to him, but then there are also plenty of times when he makes me insecure. we're really so good together and honestly every moment i'm talking to him is slowly becoming to be my favorite moment in life. i never thought i can like someone this much. and i never thought i will be this happy with someone.

however, i have plenty of doubts in my head. i don't know how long we could last, especially being on an LDR and without any concrete time schedule on when we can be physically together. he has too many commitments and i strongly feel that he won't give that up on his dreams and i don't want to hinder him as well. at the same time, i also have to do some personal legend fulfillment myself.

the only difference is that i am willing to compromise and sacrifice. two things which i cannot see on him.

Currently listening to: You and Me by Lifehouse
Currently reading: Hukbalahap history in wiki