i dialed his number and waited for several rings.
but i can't get myself to talk.
i never thought it would be hard
afterall, there was really nothing there
honestly, just fooling around
just friends, and better that way
and so, maybe there is no reason to call
i hate complicated situations
as much as possible, i do without attachment
i know friends deserve the truth
so, in that case, we were never really friends
but what is the difference?
it's better to end this way, although not easier!

Currently listening to: We are the world, Jackie Chan version
Currently watching: YouTube
Currently feeling: uncomfortable

When I'm down and dejected

    the world collapses like sandcastles on the beach

        while my head fills with remorse

When lies and perfidy are told

    I cry a thousand rivers of tears

        and drowned in unending soliloquy

When failure begat mockery

   I hid my face from the prying eyes

      then reflect on my venegeance

When injustice prevails once again

    we cannot just ignore and turn back

        ought to fight back some time

When I fall in forbidden love

   the only kind of love I believe in

      I become most desperate to die.

 

 

Currently listening to: Light one candle by PPM
Currently reading: Itinerary on March 20
Currently feeling: sympathetic

Lintek, ano na namang kagaguhan tong pinasok mo iha? Ilang araw na lang at aalis ka na sa Japan at pinayagan mo pang magkaganito.

Ironic nga naman talaga ang mundo no? Matapos ang mahigit 2 taon na pamamalagi sa Japan at Soshi dorm ng walang kasintahan ay tsaka mo pa makilala sha, gayung hindi na ako magtatagal sa lugar na ito.

Limang buwan akong tumira with Ruby as a refugee dahil wala naman akong ibang titirhan noon, kahit nahihiya talaga ko. And then ngayong umalis si Ruby for vacation, saka ko lang makakatagpo sha.

Inuulit ko lang ang kahibangan sa Armenia-jin noong summer! Sha nga pala, magkamukha pala sila. Noong una, medyo kimoe, especially noong una kameng nag-ano. teka, adults naman tayong lahat dito kaya alam niyo na kung anong tinutukoy ko.

Isa pang sobrang ironic ay yung first date namin ay after talaga ng isang afternoon-lovin with navy, which turned sour actually kase naman, napaka-gago ng navy-man na yan tungkol sa US-Iraq war.

And then, who would have thought na isang Iran-jin na nationalistic ang makadaupang-palad ko? Of course, nag-dorm-disco na kame before that date, pero di ko inexpect na mage-enjoy pala ako with him.

Ngayon, ano bang gagawin ko? Ewan!! Parang mahal ko na sha! Hindi dahil sa babae ako, at nagkakaroon ako ng emotional attachment. Well, ibahin nyo ako, dahil kahit nga gano kagaling yang navy na yan, eh di ko minahal yun ah.

Pero, si Iran-jin, mabait, sobrang sweet, at pogi rin. Magaling pang mag-Nihonggo. Paano ko kaya sasabihing iiwan ko na sha after ilang oras? Ayoko shang saktan! Dahil masasaktan din ako pag ginawa ko yun.

Currently listening to: I was country when country wasn't cool
Currently feeling: guilty

sarap ma-inlove. after a long time, in love na ako ulit. but this time, parang die hard, with a venegeance!

sarap ng baby ko! love na love ko. ang sweet, ang bait, at ang super pogi; sabi ko nga, ngiti pa lang--ulam na!!  samahan mo pa kung gaano siya dead na dead sa'ken. basta, feel niya ang swerte-swerte niya raw kase ang ganda-ganda ko. naks naman, haba ng hair ng lola niyo.

sarap-sarap ni "eshgram"--however you write it hehe. love na love ko!! 

basta ibang klase ang feeling. ngayon ko lang yata naramdaman ito. yung crush-na-crush ko pa rin ang bf ko maski ano nang ka-ELan ang nagawa namin. hehe!!

iba pala talaga pag may true love. sana wag na tayong magising pa!!

 

Currently listening to: Matayog ang sarangola ni Pepe by Sitti
Currently reading: A hAcKEr mAniFeSto by McKenzie
Currently feeling: infatuated

"O Diyos Ko

Ano ba naman ito?

Di ba, Tang-Ina

Nagmukha akong tanga

Pinaasa niya lang ako

LECHENG PAG-IBIG TO!!!" 

 

Baket ba sa tuwing sasapit ang katapusan ng Marso ay nagkakaganito? Oh Lord, talaga bang short-term contracts lang talaga ang relationships ko? Kung kelan pa naman, nai-inlove na yata ako ng seryosohan, at ganun rin sha--talaga nga naman oh? para kang ginagago ng tadhana?

Pero just the same, parang ok na rin. I guess I should even be thankful. Kase ang swerte ko nga eh, yung ibang tao hindi na-experience yung ganito, yung sobrang saya at in-love kayo sa isa't isa, na bawat minuto na magkasama kayo ay punung-puno kayo ng kasiyahan. Yun bang never kayong nabo-bored with each other. Mahirap sigurong makakita ng katulad nito, at yung ibang tao nga dyan, nagpakasal nang lahat, eh di nila siguro naranasan yung tulad nito.

Ayokong gumive-up! Pero I know, kailangan sa lalake nanggagaling yung line na yun. Sabi nga nila, "If I guy wants it, then nothing can stop him. If he doesn't, then nothing can change his mind..." parang ganun. Personally, nafi-feel ko na maganda talaga chemistry namin. Yun bang pangmatagalan. It's just that the circumstance in our lives right now are not apt for us to continue.

Well, siguro pwede namang kayanin. Kahit sabihin pa nating 1% chance of working out. Worth it ba? 

Currently listening to: Ligaya by Kitchie Nadal
Currently reading: The Divan of Hafez
Currently feeling: worried

siguro ang pinakamasakit sa paghihiwalay ay kapag naiisip mo na habang hawak mo ang kamay niya sa ngayon, eh wala ka nang hahawakan kinabukasan. yun bang nagising ka at siya ang katabi mo pero tanto mong di na mauulit yun. kung pwede lang patigilin ang paggalaw ng oras, gusto kong maalala ang kabuuan ng sandaling ito. ang pagdampi ng kanyang mga labi sa akin, sana manatili sa aking isipan.

kahit sa gunita naging masaya ako sa piling mo.

mahal na kita, sinabi ko naman iyon...

hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangang ganito kasakit. parang pinaparushan ako sa lahat ng mga kasalanang nagawa ko. kung kelan pa namang nagmamahal ka na ng totoo.

shet! ang tanga ko!!! baka naman f.b. lang talaga kame? naniwala akong seryoso sha at sumasagi sa isip niya na magpakasal kame. shet! バカ！jan!!!! 

Currently listening to: Before I Let You Go by Freestyle
Currently watching: Wake me up when September ends vid
Currently feeling: very, very depressed

Perhaps we're still together, at least he's still officially my boyfriend. Even if I know deep inside that it's likely we'll never see each other again. Unless someone really does miracles from up above.

Fate brought us together but destiny tore us apart.

Maybe, I should just be grateful.. that I was happy for almost 3 weeks, 17 days to be exact.

But also I'm looking forward. Hawaii, Alaska, Chicago, Graz, Manila, before finally settling in Dublin... I'll be so much on the go for the next 5 months. I guess I don't have time to mourn and think about him. I'll be seeing so many new places and probably meeting new people that I can take my mind off him. Maybe, temporal insanity is much more beneficial for me, than to him, in this aspect.

Goodbye for the moment. If our paths will cross again in the future, then maybe we are really meant to be. If not, then at least we've spent every moment to the fullest.

I don't have anymore regrets!

 

Currently listening to: God only knows what I feel without you
Currently watching: Beach boys vid
Currently feeling: good

I don't want to break-up.

I'm going to hold on in as far as you would hold on for me.

I really, really do liked you.

And I feel that it would be a big mistake to throw this away.

Let us give destiny a chance.

Don't give up on us! 

 

Currently feeling: optimistic