Hi, does anyone here remember "Saigo no iiwake?"

Well, unfortunately I am only posting the Japanese lyric so 日本語が分からなかったら、ほかのページが探したほうがいい。

 

最後の言い訳 

寝たふりがこんなに
つらいことだとは
今落ちた滴は
涙だね
そして君が出て行く
夜明けを待って
暗闇が恐い君のことだから
いちばん大事なものが
いちばん遠くへいくよ
こんなに覚えた君の
すべてが思い出になる

誰からも君なら
好かれると思う
心配はいらない
寂しいよ
無理に僕のためだと
さよならの理由
思ってる君だからせつなくて
いちばん近くにいても
いちばん判り合えない
こんなに愛した僕の
すべてが言い訳になる

いちばん大事なものが
いちばん遠くへいくよ
こんなに覚えた君の
すべてが思い出に
いちばん近くにいても
いちばん判り合えない
こんなに愛した僕の
すべてが言い訳になる

いちばん大事なものが
いちばん遠くへいくよ
いちばん近くにいても
いちばん判り合えない
いちばん大事なものが
いちばん遠くへいくよ

Currently listening to: Saigo no iiwake
Currently reading: 7 habits of highly effective people
Currently watching: Saigo no iiwake by Tokunaga Hideaki
Currently feeling: energetic

Tonight, I rest my head on the pavement

    Gone such a woman barenaked

With just me and my bones

   I slowly laid above the sharpened stones

The heavenly bodies and mine was linked

    Heart brimming with tender memories

As my fingers trace the invisble lines

   I fixed my gazed on the hunter's sign

Far as can be, we began with a kiss

   And gradually the rhythms were increased

Sensations were heightened by my curiousity

    If this demigod has any feelings for me

I sounded amissed, he coaxed me for more

    than 20 seconds of passions galore

When we finished, I bowed my head

    Grateful for every moment we've shared

But then again, there is also fear

    Because this lovemaking begat painful tears.

 

Currently listening to: All out of love by WL
Currently reading: Timeless mind, ageless body
Currently watching: Sergey
Currently feeling: horny

sinipat ko ang kalawakan

inusisa ang paligid

    lumundag, umawit, tumulo ang mga luha

unti-unting napagtanto

    yaong dulot na kalungkutan

paalam ama, wika niya..

    paalam at nawa'y di na magbalik muli
 

Currently listening to: One Voice by Billy Gilman
Currently reading: The Class by Erich Segal

several years ago eh nagtapat ako ng pag-ibig (or maybe pagnanasa) sa lalakeng kras ko. potek! aakalain nyo ba sa current record ko ng mga syota at kinababaliwang kagwapuhan na ang kras kong tinutukoy ay isang pagka-jolog-jolog na bakla na itago na lang natin sa pangalang "Faggot." pero ang masakit nito ay bakla na nga at swangit eh na-BASTED pa ako.

Lintek nga naman po ang buhay no?

pero anyway, mabilis ko namang nakalimutan yang si Faggot dahil obvious namang lumabo lang ang mata ko, malamang sa kaka-aral noong mga panahon ng Calculus at Complex Analysis. dahil pagdating ko ng Number Theory ay 20-20 na ulit ang vision ko.

subalit, mula noon ay na-trauma na akong magsabi ng kahit ano sa lalakeng gusto ko. yun bang kahit anong klaseng tanong at gisa ang gawin saken ay deny to death talaga ang lola nyo. para akong political prisoner; kahit pa ibitin ng patiwarik ay hinding-hindi nyo ako mapapaamin.

anyway, sa ngayon merong isang Korean sa dorm na potchak, ang pogeeee!!! as in, isang ngiti lang ay laglag na ang panty ko; mamasa-masa pa. shempre lahat halos ng tao sa dorm, mapa-babae man , bading, o di-tiyak, eh kras etong si Korean. as in, nakakagigil. parati nga akong nagpapansin sa maikling pekpek shorts kahit pa kasukdulan ng winter. tapos, nag-aaral akong mag-isa sa cafeteria dahil nagbabakasakaling lalapitan ako--pero NO-- walang epek ke Korean boy! bad trip!!

alam ko namang di saken magkakagusto etong ganito ka-gwapo pero just the same eh gusto ko shang tikman. hindi ko iibigin, basta tikim lang, and then keep the trophy to tell to my grandkids. at isa pa, knowing na korean eh di naman sila guiness book record-holder sa aspetong sekswal.

pero, paano kaya ako papatulan nitong korean na'to? kailangan kong dalhin ang A-game ko. kailangan maging swabe!

-mG

 

Currently listening to: You raise me up
Currently reading: The Class by Erich Segal

(A review of Erich Segal's novel, "The Class" Warning: Contains spoilers!)

Lately, it has been my hobby to pick up random books from the Soshigaya library to kill time whenever my roommate-cum-oyasan's boyfriend is paying her a visit. These pocketbooks are left by former tenants of the dorm in order to lighten up their luggage when they transfer to another place.

A million thanks to whoever left this paperback cause not only did I find a preoccupation, I also found one hell of a read. This is a first-class novel in a one-of-a-kind genre. It's not a love story, nor an adventure, nor a thriller, but's it's absolutely cramped with all forms of entertainment, merging fiction and real-life, and a fusion of easy-reading to information tidbits on history.

To sum up, the book is about 5 prominent members of Harvard's Class'58.  It began with their college years, then continuing to life outside the university, and finally a class reunion after 25 years. 

I love everything about this novel and almost every page is interesting, but one thing which clearly stands out for me is the character of Andrew Eliot. His name is a Harvard tradition, having generations of Eliots leaving their mark in the University. But contrary to his impeccable lineage, Andrew is an unassuming, kind, and selfless individual who's only distinction is being the most unambitious member of the class.

One unexpected twist is when Jason Gilbert discovered his Jewish roots because of a tragedy on his romantic life. Gilbert turned his back on the comforts of Yankee life and a bright lawyering career when he joined the army of Israel. Ten years after, he would get a chance to continue his degree in law but another set of terrorists attack would spoil his return to Harvard... and moreover would end his life.

And then there is Ted Lambros. As an aspiring academician myself, his story made me realize the difficulties and intricacies of this kind of career. In particular, it was shown that a university's standard for research is nothing but a sugarcoat for bureaucracy and politicking. In other words, it is simply a way to bully the non-tenured faculty members and an excuse for the seniors to power tirp. It doesn't matter whether you are a publishing phenom like Lambros; if they don't find you "collegiable," then you are clearly out!

"Never marry a guy who wants a virgin!" on the other hand, is the theme of Ted and Sara Lambros love story. Ted and Sara are college sweethearts, and Sara in spite of being a loyal woman for Ted, is also an intellectual, obtaining a magna from Radcliffe. But because, the setting took place several decades ago when women are not yet recognized in the academic setting, Sara contented herself on being a housemaker. Several years after, Ted grew tired of Sara and experimented with an illicit affair with his student. When Sara found out about this, she immediately filed a divorce and started a new life. Later, she get her own PhD, and publish a book much better than Ted's. When they're both interviewed for a professorship position in Harvard, Sara got the nod, and Ted, again was rejected. Nice justice, there!

I have little to say about the other two characters: Danny Rossi and George Keller. Danny, being a musical genius and a modern Mozart didn't intrigue my imagination, except on the part where he soldout by having a ghost performer (c.f. Milli Vanilli) and claimed a composition which is not his (c.f. Pop Musicians, esp. BOYBANDS) 

Meanwhile, George is just a typical "ryuugakusei" (foreign student) who's obsessing the idea of proving himself to the class. He enslave himself to master the English language and with his own genius made his way to the White House. It just puzzled me why he has to commit suicide in the end, when there's really no sufficient reason to do so. Thumbs down to that anticlimactic ending

Overall, I would recommend this book to anyone who's able to read and wants to read something very interesting. It doesn't matter whether you are from Harvard or Yale, or UP, or Ateneo; this book deserves a space in your shelf.

 

 

 

Currently listening to: Fidelity by Regina Spektor
Currently reading: The Class by Erich Segal
Currently feeling: oversexed

Last night, I received a mail from my contact person in Korea.

I guess, even if I have long expected her news, I still felt surprised and ecstatic upon reading her mail. So, it's formal: I GOT ACCEPTED IN THE SCHOLARSHIP IN KOREA.
South, that is, in case of any confusion.

I'm thankful on one hand, knowing that I have assured myself of a place after Japan. So, there's no need to worry about going home, being jobless, and seeing my family starved to death. But on the other, I'm getting quite anxious about the results of my other 2 applications. 

I guess, for someone who's not really rich and has not enough lifetime savings, I've been pretty bold to only apply to 3 different schools/institutions, and in 3 different places, that is South Korea, Ireland, and Canada.

Most of my contemporaries submit to no less than 10 schools in the States. In fact, even my recommenders thought that I should apply to more schools for safety, but instead of going with the quantity, I studied intricately all of my prospective schools and decided only on those where I'll have a good shot.

the reason is mostly financial, but I also figure that my chances are greater if I select only those which will suit me and benefit me personally and academically, and those that might be needing my services and would benefit by accepting me. this is something i read from "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People--" always have the win-win mentality!

so far, i only have the official result from Korea, but I have already received positive replies from Ireland. and Canada: even if it's obviously a sleeper, i know that i have as much chance as anyone else in the world. of course, i'm up against thousands of chinese and indians who are more talented than i am, but what i'm betting on is that they'll look at my experience in a lot of aspects, especially my travels internationally. so, i think that whatever happens, my application always deserve a second glance.

another reason why i'm so anxious to apply to many universities is my traumatic experience 5 years ago. I went for UIC, UIUC, and UMN, all in the USofA and I scored 0:3. the thing is that those schools are very high profile and that I'm not even 20 years old then. i don't have much experience and my GRE score sucks. 

well, I'm still waiting for the final results and so the only problem is which I would choose? now, that's a toughie!! here are the list of the perks and cons: (another habit of effective people is to visualize the future.)

Korea? Free housing, research area is Network Security--one of the hottest field nowadays, will learn a new language and writing system 'Hangul,' Filipinos in the laboratory, near the Philippines and Japan (cause no matter what happens, I still love Japan), Korea has many spa and sentou like Japan for the sake of beauty

Ireland? Huge amount of money which I cannot earn anywhere while I'm sticking with my academician philosophy, research area is Applied Crypto and might get a high-paying job afterwards through industry collaborations, gets to travel to Europe, Armenian ex-boyfriend will also apply

Canada? Almost no money, will study like Grade 1 once again, needs to teach a bunch of lowlifers and brats, deal with Psychological turmoil because of the extreme coldness, expensive housing system in canada,  almost 50% tax for everyday services, Perk: CITIZENSHIP after 4 years!!

 

OMG! It will really be hard but I wish to God for positive results in all 3.

-mG 

 

 

 

Currently listening to: New York, New York by Frank Sinatra
Currently reading: Seven habits of highly effective people
Currently feeling: accomplished

Survivng this day I guess is easy compared to what I had endured the past few days..

The most exhausting ski trip ever. I slept for 18 hours yesterday--and yesterday was the 13th. The day which forebodes my apocalyptic loneliness, if that is indeed a correct adjective.

Wow, jumping from the ramps surely made things easier to let go. My chest never felt this refreshed.

So, for Valentines Day, I guess I'll take another day of rest. 

Currently listening to: Mecha Mecha
Currently feeling: chipper

I'm leaving Tokyo in a month, It's finally official and I made up my mind!!!

The only question is where I'm going. I haven't decided and I'm still waiting for several results and weighing my options. However, looking back at my infamous "10 things I would like to accomplish before I leave Japan" (something which I have constantly monitored for the past 2 years or so), I have the following results:

10) Finish my MS degree in UP - success!

9) Novel writing - fail!

8) Ski like a pro - good signs!

7) Relationship with a foreigner - Sergey and Watts! (not so serious though)

6) Ni Kyuu Japanese level - fail! not even close although I passed San Kyuu

5) Save 180 man - Muri, but not 160 is possible, after new laptop expenses

4) Mathematical publication - working on that but prospects are dim

3) US Visa - Mega success. Throw in Canadian visa!

2) Conceive a kid - not even close but working on that as well!! )

1) Get married - Why??

I realize that I may have failed on some matters and so I set some minor challenges which I would like to do in my last 30 days in Japan.

1) Walk around the route of Yamanote-sen, from Shibuya southbound Yoyogi-Shibuya-Shinagawa-Tokyo then northbound to Akihabara-Ueno-Nippori-Ikebukuro-Takadanobaba back to Shinjuku.  Goodluck to me and some fellows whom I can brainwash to accomplish this daunting feat!!

2) Join a Nihonggo speech contest: cause I'm pretty flustered about failing Ni Kyuu, and failing badly and so my final goal would be to join a f""kin contest and conquer my greatest waterloo in my stay in Japan -- NIHONGGO!!!

-mG

 

Currently listening to: Ain't that a kick in the head
Currently reading: The chamber by John Grisham
Currently feeling: hopeful

I've been toying about this crazy plot for a long time and I know that it's gonna be so good as a novel cause it's unique, interesting, and that a lot of people can relate to it. It's something which can top the likes of Nicholas Sparks and Serendipity.

The only problem is that I'm not a good writer (allow me to say "anymore," cause there was a time in my life when I've considered writing for living.) Anyway, if ever I'll have time and not accept the offer in Korea, then this novel is great project to waste the next 5 months of my life.

 

The story is about two very good friends, a guy and a girl. For the meantime, we call them Ryan and Marivic. The two are quite closed and started their friendship during their college days. Ryan came to Tokyo as a technician while Marivic is a scholarship student. Marivic is an average-looking-girl who dates a lot of guys, both foreigners and Filipinos alike, never has a serious relationship, because in reality, she is in love with Ryan. On the other hand, Ryan is a soft-spoken, dashing, debonaire guy who's more focussed on helping his family and seems to have no time for love, for the meantime. Marivic tried everything to make Ryan fall for her, but their relationship never progressed beyond friendship.

After 2 years of studying, Marivic decided to get out of Japan because she's just getting frustrated about Ryan. And besides, she wants a fresh start on her life, probably in another country where she can use her Japanese language ability. On her farewell party, Marivic tried for one last time to hook up with Ryan and amazingly, it worked. They had sex but for Ryan, it's only a way of showing that he cared for his best friend.

Fast forward four years later. Ryan is already one of the high-ranked engineers in a huge company based on New York. And furthermore, he is already engaged to a Filipino nurse named Sophie. They met last year when they are both new to the city. That time, Ryan is terribly missing Japan and his former Filipino friends but thanks to Sophie, he felt at home. For the first time in his life, Ryan felt ready for a commitment. They moved in the same house and when he got his first promotion, he immediately asked Sophie to marry him.

They decided on a later date so they could pour in lots of time with their preparations and to invite their parents. Sophie is a religious girl and she wants nothing short of a grand wedding and honeymoon on the Carribean.

Two weeks before the big date, Ryan flew to Hawaii for a business trip. Little did he know that he would be meeting up his old friend Marivic. She looks like she aged for more than 5 years and so he didn't recognize her at first. But what Ryan knew is that she looks like a woman now. And she also become quite gorgeous.

Marivic got a job as a Japanese translator in Hawaii and she's been doing quite well economically. But what Ryan didn't know is that she's already a mother--of their 3 yr. old son.

The two spent romantic moments on the beaches of Hawaii and by some strange cupid's arrows, Ryan began having feelings for Marivic. On her part, Marivic has always been in love with Ryan and she longed for that moment. After hooking up with Ryan 4 years ago, she never dated another guy and cannot seem to do so. So, she summoned her guts and invited Ryan to her flat, where she resides with her cousin.. and their 3-yr. old son.

When Ryan saw the boy, he knew.. he immediately knew.

Ryan ran away, but instead of going back to New York to get married, he wanted to get away and think about his life. He's always been the quiet-type who prefers being alone when confused. He wants to do the right thing, but this time, what is really rightful?

Who would he choose? That we still don't know. If you like the plot, then maybe feed me with inspiration to write the entire novel.

-mG 

 

 

Currently listening to: Adrienne by Alex BAND
Currently watching: A love story in Harvard, UTUBE

I thought that the plot is really good. See previous entry. So, I guess I would really like to work on that project. Don't have my laptop right now, so I'll use this blog to make notes.

Working on the ending:

Ryan flew to Japan to medidate. He's awfully confused and he's going to get married in less than 72 hours. He recieved a call from Sophie, already hysterical and asking him what the hell is wrong and he should come home (New York) quickly. He said he just needs to take care of important stuffs and promised to return tomorrow.

He went to the former places where he hanged out with Marivic. He then met some common friends and learned things which he already knew before, but he never took them seriously:

"She's been in-love with you from day 1! Don't tell me you're so naive!" 

And he also realized how he's been dependent on Marivic for a lot of things. Always been there, reliable, dependable, one time he got really sick in Japan and it was Marivic who rushed him to the hospital and took care of him, and foot all of his bills, because he forgot to process his insurance, then.

She's been his friend, his older sister, his younger sister, his mother, and now it feels like his woman. Morever, she is the mother of his son, a son he never knew of, until 2 days ago. Marivic has been always there and took that for granted.

But time is running out. He needs to rush back to another continent to walk down the aisle. Sophie's family are all in New York and furiously waiting for him.

Ryan made a phone call. A phone call filled with remorse and apologies -- "There is no way I can get married right now." A lot of fighting, shouting, and tears. But Ryan made up his mind. He paid for Sophie's share on the wedding expenses and apologized to her family.

He did the unforgivable act. "Is there someone else?"

"Yes, there has always been someone else. But I only realized when I saw her again. There's always been someone else and there will always be someone else. I'm sorry." 

Ryan quit his job in New York. He didn't have much money with him but flew to Hawaii to see Marivic.

"I want to court you and I want you to be my girlfriend." 

Marivic said "No." But then smiled and added, "Cause I always want to do the courting and I won't stop until I get a yes."

"If that is the case then be prepared cause you're going to have hard time convincing me.. Buy me an ice cream, please." 

 

-SO KILIG!!!

 

 

 

Currently listening to: You're in love
Currently watching: Love story in Harvard