shizukuxp

I read the news early this morning--79 people were killed in a stampede at the Ultra Stadium where the first anniversary of Wowowee is to be held. Wowowee is a popular game show of ABS-CBN amongst the masses as it gives away big prizes to its winners.

I could just sigh! As for someone who's struggling to retain her visa in a first world, foreign land, pardon me, but I could just sigh, even though I'm really furious.

This event is a downright reflection of the current state of the Philippines--the desperation of Filipinos for instant fortune in order to feed their families, send their children to school, and change their lives in general. Most if not all of these aspiring contestants I guess are currently unemployed or minimum wage earners. The trend of price increase of oil and hence of all goods, plus tax hikes here and there are simply enough reasons to give up their hopes unless they can win the jackpot of a game show.

But anyway, let us discuss what is in a game show?

Wowowee, Pera o Bayong, Laban o Bawi, (even Pinoy Big Brother) to a name just a few have been the source of hope for the poor Filipinos, a cheap form of entairtainment for the homesick OFWs, the only form of noon time entertainment for the uneducated, job opportunities to untalented actors and bastardly hosts, and quick bucks for honchos of giant TV networks.

And the latter I think should be blamed that this type of tragic happenings ever took place. These billionaires just cash in on the misfortunes and desperation of others. They should be held responsible for what happened because a craze amongst rowdy masses always spells a disaster. ABS-CBN should have known better than to let people queue and pile up for days after the so-called "F4 phenomenon."

However, contrary to a mere fanatical fetish, the color of money made the situation totally out of control and resulted in that much casualties. It is not enough for ABS-CBN to offer medical assistance and compensation to the families of the victims, me thinks the government should impose a legal sanction against this giant network. Nevertheless, as our vice president is none other than ABS' beef Kabayang Noli, then this wishful thinking might never consumate.

If that is the case, then I just hope that they stop being hypocrital on their acts of condolences. The scripts and tears of game show host Willie Revillame will just blind more Filipinos that the show's main goal is to help the masses. It is time to exhibit a little decency just for the sake of the victims.

Canceling the show is a first step!

-mG

Currently listening to: Airport by Jason Collett
Currently reading: The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
Currently feeling: lethargic

shizukuxp

reviewing some 2004-05 entries, i realized that i wrote a lot of email drafts addressed to Fidel. well, mostly are about overflowing emotions of love, hatred, and despair. but mind you, they are only addressed to him, but not about him. it is just that i found him to be such a dear listener and i have high regards for his opinion. Fidel personanified all of those UP Soc Sci Profs that i respected, but better since he is from the Pure Sciences discipline.

contrast with Romeo--actually the main subject of my letters, i don't feel uneasy in discussing all of my weird and ridiculous ideas to Fidel. because i know that just like me, he is also unique and special. probably you can say that we are AB-normal, in some sense. We are free-thinkers and our lives are marked by risks and adventures.

for instance, i could talk to him about sensitive issues of women virginity whilst i could only nod to romeo regarding his narrow-mindedness. romeo, despite being a UP student himself, still adheres to the society's double standards, which of course i find unfair.

with Fidel, i know that i can be myself and i don't care whether that will make him think highly of me or whether he will be judgemental about my subtle whorings. i don't have to pretend that i'm miss goody-two-shoes to make him fall for me because i don't want him to, in the first place. i'm clear and at peace with myself that i just want to be his friend and so there's no point of hiding anything.

in romeo's case, i have to act as if i'm someone to be respected and put into the pedestal. in his eyes, i should be the typical dalagang Filipina to be venerated and chased. even though it sounds like an utmost impossibility, i tried my best to rid of my clumsiness and boyish behavior. i seek for meekness and gentleness.

not that it's bad. one time i look in front of the mirror and saw almost a total overhaul of a dirty punk into someone lady like. for the first time i can really face the world with pride and self-respect and confidence. those values i think i lost through the never-ending disasters and brian-related heart-aches in UP. as unexpected as it may be, i was able to regain positivity and light just by being with romeo.

that's why i never stalked him..

that's why i don't make contact with him more than once a week..

that's why i try to minimize initiating a conversation..

that's why i'm always the one to say goodbye to him..

that's why i make him think that i'm STILL in love with someone else..

that's why i didn't sleep with him..

nevertheless, there are still times when i want to break from the ordinary, think freely, and widen my perspectives. i still want to learn new things from the world, and being closed and romeo-dependent hinders such goal.

as i have always defined clearly, ROMEO IS EVERYTHING I HOPE FIDEL IS NOT!! but then again, it pains not to be Torn!

-mG

Currently listening to: Come fly with me by Westlife
Currently reading: My Tabulas archives
Currently feeling: drained

shizukuxp

When the time comes, I will tell him nothing but the truth.. but as for now, I could just listen to Sophia.

時々思うの　　本当は誰もかもが　　一人ぼっちじゃないかと
唇を噛んで　　流れ星みたい　　夜空さまよう　　（買い物の団体）


前略、先生お元気ですか？　　　私はあいもかわりません
あなたにおそわった"道徳"は　　まだ必要でしょうか？


Noなくしたくない　　もう傷つけらんない　　リップクリーム手放せない
未来じゃなくて　　気持ちじゃなくて　　日ごと色づく　　（彩かな青春）


前略、先生お元気ですか？　　都会なんかにゃ　　染まりません
あなたにおそわったプライドは　　ここにあります

追伸、ところで最近は　　誰か連絡ありましたか？
私の名前が出た時は　　電話を下さい


仕事場は近い　　電話賃も安い　　ワンルームは６畳もない
Now犬飼いたい　　一人じゃ笑えない　　地下鉄の風が　　（吹き上げる勘違い）


前略、先生お元気ですか？　　今宵も夜空を見上げてます
嫉妬や裏切り　　醜いけど　　一人きりよりマシです

追伸、本当に最近は　　いい天気ばかり続きますね
まっ白な空と白い雲が　　私にこたえます


時々おもうの　　本当は誰もかもが　　一人ぼっちじゃないかと
時々おもうの　　本当は何もかもが　　思い違いよ全部

-mG

Currently listening to: Truth by Sophia
Currently reading: Sobolev Spaces by Vladimir Maz'ja
Currently feeling: lazy

shizukuxp

 After careful deliberation and hours of beta-testing Multiply, I decided that I will stick with Tabulas. I realize that this site contains nuggets of chronicles about my struggle to come to Japan as well as my Japan life itself. So for that, I promise to keep up writing and exert efforts to also improve my writing style. ^yahoo!!

 Last night, I slept early in order to prolong my R.E.M. period and the results are the following vivid dreams: (DISCLAIMER: THESE ARE ONLY DREAMS!!)

• I went to a reunion of QueSci'98 batch held in the campus grounds itself. I chatted with my old friends, and among the noticeable faces are Wennie R, Gilbert, Richelle C, Ana P, Malou N, and Rolando B. We were inside a classroom and the seats are arranged in a lecture-like manner. I was jeering Wennie and Gilbert about how two Einstein 1 classmates ended up together in spite of the separation. We were eating a certain snack brought by Richelle. I am aware that in real life, Richelle is already a mother, but in the dream, her face is as childlike as ever. Just like the time when Ana and I staged a WW3, we are also kinda "ilang" with each other during the reunion. She was on the far side of the room talking with her own group of friends. When the hot seat shifted to Rolando we start asking him about his sexual orientation. Malou reasoned out that after top notching PUP's entrance exam, he suddenly disappeared from everyone. He admitted that he's a bisexual, and had boy and girl friends during the course of his absence from the limelight. And then finally, someone from the batch (I can't fathom his face) invited me to go out with him, but when he asked for my cell phone number, he was surprised to hear that the oddness of the digits and so I confessed that I'm using AU. I bade farewell because I have to hurry back to my flight to Tokyo.

• The next dream is about my former dorm mate and senpai  Diane. Finally, we met in person and she told me the truth about what happened to her last year. But she's as jolly and charming as ever. I told her chismis about another friend who got pregnant unexectedly. And then I asked her whether they used contraceptives on their case, and her answer was affirmative. We laugh about the technical problems. And then, I related to her how Abby and Romeo were trying to conceive a baby but still not successful. She said probably because of stress, but then again, isn't Eddie stressed out himself last year?

  I finished reading "The Alchemist" and I'll say that it's the MOST OVERRATED BOOK OF THE CENTURY!  It pales in comparison with Paulo Coelho's other novels like "Veronica decides to die" and "11 minutes." Well, the theme is very much like "Little Prince" as promised by the literary community and since I also find that as a flak then obviously I didn't enjoy "The Alchemist." However, I'll still give some props and tackle the book's infamous quote "When you really want something, the universe conspire to help you achieve it!"

 This must have been part of some dream, only I can't figure out where it fits in. I was talking to Fidel in Alex' room in Sophia and we replayed the scenario when he bashed me frankly with the following hurtful words, "Ang problema sa'yo ay sarili mo... Dapat baguhin mo yan... Lahat ng tao tinutulungan ka pero..." Feeling the humiliation in front of my friends, all I can do was nod look somewhere else. But during the dream, I answered with conviction, "when one is trying to fulfill a personal legend, the universe conspire to help him/her achieve it! " He smiled!

-mG

Currently listening to: Turn of the light by Nelly Furtado
Currently reading: Elliptic Curves by Knapp
Currently feeling: energetic

shizukuxp

This morning I looked at my mailbox and saw the reult of my JLPT! I opened it immediately...

"This is to certify that the person named above has passed the Japanese-Language Proficiency Test given in December 2005, jointly administered by The Japan Educational Exchanges and Services and the Japan Foundation."

本当に幸せ！

その後スキー旅行へ行くべきだ。しかたがない。

Currently listening to: Until I get over you by Christina Milan
Currently reading: Test Rsult
Currently feeling: thankful

shizukuxp

I first heard this lovely melody from Pirum...(sa ngayon, pinipigilan ko talaga!)

Well I hope that I don’t fall in love with you.
’cause falling in love just makes me blue.
Well the music plays and you display your heart for me to see,
I had a beer and now I hear you calling out for me.

-mG

Currently listening to: I hope that I don't fall in love with you
Currently feeling: confused

shizukuxp

１８年０２月１９日

 これは、私の4回目のスキー旅行とおそらく最後です。午前5時に早く起きて、1つの日帰り旅行のために急ぎます。ブレイーさんと彼の友人と一緒に行きました。当初、私はスノーボードを選びます、しかし、我々が山の頂上に行ったとき、ひもが敗れてしまいました。レンタル所はゲレンデから遠いし、４時間に限られていますから、しかたがないそう。

おまけに、私の仲間は初めて人です、そして、やって見たくない。一人でボードを使えに氷の上を滑る。スキーセンターに到着するとき、その係りがひもを修理できない。しかたがないそう、だから別にファンスキーを借ります。１５００円もかかります。１時間で、私はスキーをしました、しかし、氷はあんまりよくない。

それから、私はラクラクコースでブレイさんに伴いました。彼はとても遅かったですから、つまらなくなりやすい。他のボード人の後を追いました。彼らは大家だから、ほとんど怪我を負いました。それを文書化するために、私のカメラを使いました。そのあと、スキーするながら、私のカメラが過ぎ去っていたと気がつきます。本当に心配くても、あのゲレンデがむずかしくて、上りにくいです。

カメラを取り戻ろうと思うっても、残った時間がありません。貸すファンスキーを戻らなければならない。そのうえ、家に帰る時間です。ホテルのフロントデスクを言いました、しかし、彼らは助けたくはありません。「ソノモバイルで探すためのできない」と言いました。ホテルのなめえはPRINCE　HOTEL　ですよ。

我々が遅れたので、バスドライバーは怒っていました。ブレイーさんも忘れ物があると彼は、それに戻りました。日本人ですから、誰でも、我々に怒っていました。

本当に酷いな日。

エムージ　

Currently listening to: Bakit di totohanin?
Currently reading: Millions by Cotrell Boyce
Currently feeling: fucked up!!

shizukuxp

先週、スカイプをやってみてます。最初は、フィデルさんと話せます。でも、今彼は他のウーサーネームを使うと思う。寂しいね。

ところが、スカイプモードをなる時、多く男性が接触できるから、いろいろな機会が持てます。嬉しいね。

実は、日本語が練習できる：話とか読むのも。そのうえ、デートも探せます.