shizukuxp

FAILURE.. I am..  but maybe just maybe it's worth it.. at least until now..

here's an update of what i've done so far-- brace yourself for the most egoistic, narcisstic, self-gratifying article ever. (please pardon the whining losers of the cyber world!)

 1) Travel : been to Osaka (rode the Shinkansen), Kyoto, Nagano, Yokohama, Shizuoka, and China. (hurray! not too bad!)

2) Academic : went back home to defend my Masters thesis in UP for the fulfillment of Masters of Science in Mathematics degree. However, I still have to do major revisions before the deadline for submission.

3) New Experience :  Became a starlet in Japan and had my 1st gig as JICA magazine model

4)Financial : finally paid my debts to MC. And now I'm starting to save for myself.

5) Fitness : Gained 8 kgs last winter then lose 7 kgs this past summer.  (hail to the 500 yen diet per day!)

6) Vocation : one of my students in (Eigo-Number Theory) won a bronze medal on the International Mathematics Olympiad 2005 in Mexico.

7) Social Life :  Dated 15 times for the past year (excluding all Pinoys)!

8) Exclusively Tokyo experience: Memorized some of the metro subway lines and JR lines by heart. 

9) Writing as a Career: joined KICA essay writing contest but lost.

10) Shift of career : Applied to Oxford University Diploma program and qualified. However, I haven't fully decided due to financial concerns.  

11) Personal Growth : Was able let go .. but simply found replacement killer!

-mG 

Currently listening to: Voice of Generation by Sophia
Currently reading: The Weil Pairing and Its Efficient Calculation
Currently feeling: groggy

shizukuxp

Here I am, right in the dead center of Soshigaya park, alone at 00:37 JST and most vulnerable to get attack by unwanted criminals unless they don’t exist in Tokyo. I brought my notebook inside my knapsack and for once I’ve decided to do what I’ve always wanted in my life—and that is immerse myself in the river of solitude, my tears.

But that’s not to say that I’m feeling lonely, because on the contary I’m ecstatic about this singleblessedness thing that I’ve feared for a such a long time. It brings out something special inside of me, something which married folks don’t even feel on their wildest orgasms. I’m at peace, my mind’s dead blank, and the wind’s softly fluffing through my hair. And I guess this is my lucky night because Polaris is brightly gleaming on me as well as the constellation Orion. Remember that I’m in Tokyo, and autumn stars are rarer than practically everything.

There are faint sounds of night insects and so I need not turn on my media player to play Christina Milan’s “Until I get over you.” And every other minute a motor bike or muscle bike passes on to the nearby streets. It made me a little nervous and conscious on the psycho they’ll foresee me for what I’m doing. As this story progressed, these every minutes turn to every other two minutes, then three, and so on、until the time when the desolation creeps through my soul. Darkness is greedily taking over and I just noticed how a dark cloud loomed above the sky and took away my view of Polaris. It was quite bothering.

I’m not a bit sleepy though. My body and soul longed for this kind of feeling and I’ll make the most of this opportunity. My words are dry as ever, the theme is getting old and arduous, and the coherence messed up as before. Yet there’s something I wanted to get out of my system, something I should have done before, but that something simply refused to type itself up.

Single. I am still. The pain just won’t subside. But these words and themes are getting older by each entry. And so I cry.

-mG

Currently listening to: The Past by Jed Medala
Currently feeling: enthralled