shizukuxp

Hikkoshi--what a painful word?

My friend Didith will be moving out of the dorm tomorrow; Sir Julius is returning to the Philippines within a week; a lot of others too..

 But what right do I have to demand anything from the world and disturb the natural order of things? They often call it inevitable and we have no other choice but to accept this as is.

Although the most difficult part is not the sheer acceptance but may lie somewhere or sometime in the future. I'va had scary visions of Romeo moving somewhere else and leaving me here. I don't know which is worse, for him to fall in love with me then leave me, or just leave without loving me at all?

These are the trying times when I can only drop down to my knees and ask God. I'm really sorry.. I've felt more pressured than ever, whence I am plainly indulging in such conducive state of our platonic relationship, is it?

I won't be denying the fact that every moment we're together and discussing sex without actually performing the act is more hurtful to my appetite than anything else I can imagine. But why it doesn't happen yet may be solely attributed to my very nature of shyness topped with awkwardness I present to the other party. So hope #1 is to change that. Romeo must feel at least comfortable whenever we're together.

Well, I have 1 full year before he will hikkoshi to a new flat or actually leave Japan for good. Oh Lord, give me the strength. I am sure there's more to Romeo than simply forgetting Fidel *it's no use concealing his name anymore. Just like what Harry Potter said, "the more I shun away from saying the name, the more afraid I become, the more powerful he becomes in my life*. I hope for a future with him==whatever means there may be.

-mG

Currently listening to: Pakisabi na lang by Aiza Seguerra
Currently reading: The Little Prince
Currently feeling: chipper